Funny attitude quotes

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.

Bob Marley

Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

George Carlin

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt.

Mark Twain

It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But it is better to be good than to be ugly.

Oscar Wilde

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that shit too.

Chris Rock

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Steven Wright

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen Degeneres

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab.
One guy took the tires and the radio. The other guy took the engine.

David Letterman

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

Anonymous

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

James Thurber

A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Charles Lamb

Our chief defect is that we are more given to talking about things than to doing them.

Jawaharlal Nehru

If you can talk brilliantly about a problem, it can create the consoling illusion that it has been mastered.

Stanley Kubrick

Shun idleness. It is a rust that attaches itself to the most brilliant metals.

Voltaire

The biggest sin is sitting on your ass.

Florynce R. Kennedy

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone
who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

John D. MacDonald

God gives all to those, who get up early.

Anna Kournikova

To become a millionaire, what you have to do is to begin as a billionaire. Then go into the airline business.

Richard Branson

Ignorance is bliss.

English Proverb

I am so changed that my oldest creditors would hardly know me.

Henry Fox

My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Faithful women are all alike, they think only of their fidelity, never of their husbands.

Jean Giraudoux

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

Jean Kerr

I make mistakes, I'll be the second to admit it.

Jean Kerr

So little time, so little to do.

Oscar Levant

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Oscar Levant

The surest way for a pedestrian to live longer nowadays is to buy himself a car.

O. A. Battista

I don't mind my wife having the last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

Walter Matthau

One of the first signs that your wife is unhappy is when she starts lining the budgie's cage with your wedding pictures.

Roy Brown

He took his misfortune like a man, he blamed it on his wife.

Bob Phillips

I found a wallet the other day containing $150. I was going to return it but I thought that if I lost a wallet with $150 in it, what would I want and I realised I would want to be taught a lesson.

Emo Philips

Money can’t buy everything. That’s what credit cards are for.

Ruby Wax