Dave Attell quotes

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Dave Attell

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice, those kids gotta get to school!

Dave Attell

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire, they're exactly alike.

Dave Attell

Doesn't matter what you say or do, people can always find a way to call you a dick.

Dave Attell

You know when you're young, you think your dad's Superman. Then you grow up and you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.

Dave Attell